5 Types of People You Need In Your Life To Be Resilient

So I’ve been thinking a lot about community recently. I think we can all agree that healing is HARD. We need other people in our life to help us continue forward and invite the true self within us all to emerge out from all the trauma.

Healing is not meant to be a solo journey, but for those of us who have a deep experience of emotional loneliness, where we can be surrounded by people and still feel so alone, it is hard to keep investing in (and trying to find) those people in our lives that can raise us up.

If you’ve taken my course, Love After Complex Trauma, then you’ve already done a lot of work around building that Circle of Safety in your life–weeding out the people who teach your mind and body to feel unsafe, and filling your life with safe, loving people.

Today I want to take you a step further. Having safe people in your life is the starting point. We also need various types of people in our lives that help us become more and more resilient and whole. 

5 Types of People You Need in Your Life

So let’s talk about the 5 types of people you will want to include in your Circle of Safety if you are going to continue down this healing journey and teach your mind and body that you are safe, and that the true you can finally come out from under all the baggage of trauma.

#1 So the first type of person is the Empathizer

This is probably the most obvious of the types of people we need in our lives. We need that compassionate voice that helps us feel less alone. These people help you feel seen and held in difficult moments.

Let’s be honest, there are times when we are experiencing difficulty and we just don’t want advice or guidance. Before we can do anything about our situation, we need to first feel SAFE. These people offer you that safety so that you can then continue forward and make the change you need to make.

They help you regulate and instill confidence in you because you feel less alone. The empathizers in your life will teach your mind and body that you are safe–they will help your nervous system return to baseline so that you can take the next step forward.

#2 The second type is the Inspirer

This person inspires you to see and pursue the path forward. This is where you find the motivation to take the next right step and the accountability to actually do something to heal.

If we only had empathizers in our lives, it would be so easy to wallow in self-pity. We need the people in our lives who motivate us forward–who believe in us and believe in the path forward–so that we can find that forward momentum in life.

This type of person may help you see a path you hadn’t thought of. When it feels like all the doors are closing on you, this friend helps you find the window.

#3 The third type is the Perspective Giver

These people help you stay grounded in the midst of a setback. I don’t know about you, but when I feel like I failed or took a step backwards, it is so easy to spiral into shame and despair. You begin to feel like healing isn’t possible and it is easy to give up on yourself.

The perspective giver is that person who can say, “hey, I know it seems like this, but what if it is really ______?” In therapist terms, we would call this process de-catastrophizing. They provide the birds eye view when you are experiencing tunnel vision or catastrophic thinking. The Perspective Giver will help you step back, see the bigger picture, and reframe the setback. 

They will be those people in your life who will hold hope for you and help you have hope in the midst of setbacks. Talk about resiliency!

#4 The fourth type is the Comedian

I’m just going to say it: I don’t think we value the comedian types in our lives enough. 

We can get burnt out in our healing process–we are not made to function on such a deep level 100% of the time. It is possible to become too introspective, and this can further depression and anxiety. Laughing is good for the soul and we need those people who help us laugh, let go, and enjoy the moment.

On a physical level, laughter activates positive neural pathways, increases serotonin levels, and limits stress hormones. All in all, laughter will help you feel more creative, grounded, positive, and overall, more whole as a human being. 

The comedian types in your life will help you feel human amidst the difficulties that healing presents. They will help you see yourself (and life) beyond all the “issues” you experience. They are going to be the people who invite the True You to come out and engage the world.

#5 Lastly, the fifth type is the Leisurer 

Oh, the leisurer, another undervalued type. We need people in our lives who encourage us to take a break and rest.

Again, we can get burnt out emotionally, and we are not made to function at a high level constantly. Taking breaks, resting, allowing your mind and body to feel rejuvenated is going to sustain you along the healing path.

Leisure lowers our stress levels (hello, regulated nervous system!), lower emotional fatigue, and increase our energy levels. Resting helps us take a step back and return to the barriers we are facing in life with new perspective and energy.

We will feel less worn down and more capable in the face of the current obstacle.

Conclusion

All in all, we need a variety of types of safe people in our lives to feel balanced, whole, and resilient. Each person in our life can serve a unique purpose. I would encourage you to take some time and take an inventory of the people in your life. What roles do they play, and what types of people would you benefit from adding to your Circle of Safety?