Identify Your Trauma Response: A Quiz for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Our primary trauma responses — fight, flight, freeze, and fawn — are ways the body and mind learn to protect us from harm. But where do these responses come from? For many, they are deeply rooted in childhood experiences, especially when we grow up with emotionally immature parents. Emotionally immature parents couldn’t provide consistent safety, validation, or emotional support, so we learned to survive in ways that kept us safe, often adapting to meet their emotional needs.

This quiz will help you uncover which trauma response might be your go-to coping style and explore how it may have been shaped by your early relationships.

Quiz: What Is Your Primary Trauma Response?

Instructions: Answer each question by selecting the option that best describes you most of the time, especially when you’re under stress or in difficult situations.

1. When I’m feeling overwhelmed or threatened, I tend to:

• A) Stand my ground and feel a surge of energy (Fight)
• B) Look for a way to leave or avoid the situation (Flight)
• C) Feel paralyzed and unable to think or act (Freeze)
• D) Try to make the other person happy or agreeable (Fawn)

2. In conflicts with loved ones, I often:

• A) Speak up and verbally attack the other person in hopes they'll back down (Fight)
• B) Avoid the conflict or need space and walk away to calm down (Flight)
• C) Shut down emotionally and struggle to respond (Freeze)
• D) Put their needs first, and apologize in an effort to soothe them (Fawn)

3. When I experience stress at work or in social situations, I:

• A) Get frustrated and push through the challenge (Fight)
• B) Distract myself or avoid tasks altogether (Flight)
• C) Feel mentally checked out or “foggy” (Freeze)
• D) Go out of my way to make sure everyone is comfortable (Fawn)

4. My friends or family would likely describe me as:

• A) Assertive, sometimes intense (Fight)
• B) Independent, a bit reserved (Flight)
• C) Quiet, hard to read (Freeze)
• D) Accommodating, a peacekeeper (Fawn)

5. When faced with a big decision, I tend to:

• A) Make the decision quickly, even if it means conflict (Fight)
• B) Avoid deciding until I absolutely have to (Flight)
• C) Feel stuck and unable to decide at all (Freeze)
• D) Go along with what others suggest (Fawn)

6. In a stressful situation, my body often feels:

• A) Tense, with increased heart rate (Fight)
• B) Restless, wanting to "jump out of my own skin" (Flight)
• C) Numb, heavy, or disconnected (Freeze)
• D) On edge, overly focused on others (Fawn)

Results: Find Your Primary Trauma Response

Tally your answers and see which response type you picked the most:

Mostly A’s: Fight Response
If you often use the fight response, you may have grown up with a sense that you had to defend yourself, even emotionally. Perhaps you felt that asserting yourself, and making yourself seem larger than the other person was the only way to stop the abuse or be heard in a household where conflict was common or intense. This response served as a way to reclaim control or autonomy when your boundaries were repeatedly disregarded. Moving forward, learning to channel this assertiveness into healthy boundaries — without aggression — can help you feel both seen and connected.

Mostly B’s: Flight Response
If the flight response is your primary mode, you might have grown up feeling like situations or emotions were too overwhelming, and avoiding them was your safest option. In homes with emotionally immature parents, children often learn to escape difficult moments, either physically or emotionally, to avoid further hurt. You may have escaped into books or physically gone to a friend's house to get away. This response may have helped you survive at home, but it can turn into a pattern of avoidance that makes genuine connection difficult. Practicing grounding techniques and safe engagement with others can help you stay present and feel secure.

Mostly C’s: Freeze Response
If you lean towards the freeze response, you may have learned to shut down or disconnect in moments of fear or conflict. Emotionally immature parents often respond unpredictably, which can lead a child to cope by “playing dead” emotionally — freezing or dissociating to avoid the chaos. While this might have protected you from emotional pain as a child, it can make it hard to be present in relationships as an adult. Gradually reconnecting with your feelings and surroundings through somatic practices can help you regain a sense of control and connection.

Mostly D’s: Fawn Response
Those with a fawn response learned to survive by focusing on others’ needs, often becoming people-pleasers. Children of emotionally immature parents often take on the role of the caretaker or peacemaker, feeling responsible for managing others’ emotions to avoid conflict. Your parents may have leaned on you for emotional support. Looking back you might have felt like the adult in the parent-child relationship. This response, while adaptive in childhood, can lead to burnout, self-neglect, and feeling unseen in adulthood. Practicing self-advocacy and gradually setting boundaries can empower you to prioritize your own well-being without feeling guilty.

Conclusion: Breaking the Cycle of Childhood Survival Skills

Identifying your trauma response style can help you understand why you react to stress the way you do — and it often has deep roots in childhood experiences. Growing up with emotionally immature parents shaped how you relate to others and yourself, teaching you that survival often meant adapting to your parents' emotional world. But healing is possible, and these patterns don’t have to define you.

With awareness, self-compassion, and support, you can begin to rewrite these responses, transforming them into patterns that serve your well-being and support healthy relationships. Remember, knowledge is power. Once you see what needs healing, you can find the path forward.